How to stay safe at home 

The WRC Family Violence Shelter is open. We are here for you 24/7 when you need us. But we also understand that sometimes it’s safer to stay at home. Or that it may not be safe at home right now, but it’s scarier to leave.  

Your reasons for it being “safer at home” or “scary to leave the house” are VERY different if you are experiencing COVID with your abuser. The threat of physical violence increases by 75% when someone attempts to leave an abusive situation, so it may indeed be safer to stay…for now.  

We also realize that you may not have access to a safe way to reach out for help at this time. Isolation is a tool that abusers have used for decades to control their victims. Now that everyone is being told to self-isolate, you may be stuck at home with your abuser all day, every day. You don’t have that opportunity to escape while you’re taking the kids to school, or during a random shopping trip, or while your abuser is at work.  

For 45 years, we’ve worked with people on safety plans. Ways to stay safe inside your home, and ways to escape safely.  

If you think it’s safer at home right now, use these tools: 

• You know their triggers. Be extra vigilant in this time to “walk on eggshells” and keep yourself safe.  
• If a fight is going to happen try to get to the living room or a bedroom where there are softer surfaces. Avoid bathrooms and kitchens with hard surfaces and utensils that can be used as weapons.  

If you need a safe way out but don’t have access to a phone: 

• Do you have a “nosy neighbor?” Someone who pays attention to small details and is a safe person to talk to? They can be a lifeline. Can you establish a code word or signal for them to know you’re in trouble and need help? 

• Have them leave an item at your house. If you or the kids show up with the item, they’ll know to call police. 
• Have a window that faces the neighbor’s house? Put flowers or a suncatcher in the window when you’re safe. Take it down when you need help. 
• Are you allowed to visit neighbors? (hopefully at a safe social distance right now) Is there a code word they know to listen for? Keep it conversational so you don’t alert your abuser. “Tell me the name of those flowers you thought I should plant?” 

WRC is here to help you get out of an unsafe situation. Advocates can help you establish a safety plan specific to your situation. But please know that we are NOT first responders. Our local officers know about WRC’s services. They can help you get out and get in touch with us. 

If you only have ONE call you can safely make, call 911.  

If you are able to talk, call us 24/7 at (405) 701-5540.  

Stay safe out there! 

The Mary Kay Foundation Honors Domestic Violence Awareness Month by Issuing $3 Million in Grants to 150 Domestic Violence Shelters Across the Country

In support of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, The Mary Kay Foundation^SM announced awards of $3 million in grants to 150 domestic violence shelters across the country. The Women’s Resource Center has received a $20,000 unrestricted grant to support local survivors of domestic violence in Cleveland County. This year’s grant contribution brings the Foundation’s total investment in its shelter grant program to $50 million.

The Mary Kay Foundation was established in 1996 with the overarching purpose of supporting issues impacting women. In 2000, The Foundation expanded to include ending domestic violence as part of its mission. The Foundation is committed to funding the life-saving work of women’s shelters and the annual shelter grant program has helped finance critical needs including emergency shelter, transitional housing, counseling and legal aid. All of these resources support women and children as they seek refuge and relief on their journey to an abuse-free life. This year, more than 1,200 organizations applied for the Mary Kay Foundation shelter grants.

“At Mary Kay, we believe in helping women improve their circumstances and live their best lives. One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime and it is our responsibility to support the women’s shelters that aid these survivors,” said President of The Mary Kay Foundation Board of Directors Michael Lunceford. “At the heart of The Foundation’s work is the shelter grant program which is actively supported by our independent sales force. We’re proud that our commitment makes such a powerful impact in local communities and in the lives of domestic violence survivors across the country.”

According to the National Network to End Domestic Violence, more than 72,000 adult and child victims receive domestic violence services across the United States in just one day. Unfortunately, in the same period of time, more than 11,000 requests for services are unmet due to a lack of resources.

Lori Walke to Keynote WRC Gala

Rev. Lori Allen Walke, a native of Moore, Oklahoma, preaches and teaches progressive Christianity at Mayflower Congregational UCC in northwest Oklahoma City. Lori was a scholarship athlete for Oklahoma State University, where she received her undergraduate degree in Political Science (2005) and graduate degree in Health Care Administration (2006), and was crowned Miss OSU 2005. Passionate about social justice and the public good, she earned her juris doctorate from Oklahoma City University School of Law in 2009 and passed the Oklahoma Bar exam the same year. To further confuse people about what she wanted to be when she grew up, Lori earned her Master of Divinity from Philips Theological Seminary (2011) and was ordained in the United Church of Christ in 2012. She is currently working on her Doctor of Ministry at Emory University.

Lori’s commitment to changing Oklahoma for the better includes working for economic justice with Voices Organized in Civic Engagement (VOICE OKC) by fighting rate hikes proposed by the state’s largest electricity provider and standing against predatory lending practices. As a board member of the Interfaith Alliance of Oklahoma City, Lori coordinated support for the annual Muslim Day at the Capitol, and promotes ecumenical and interfaith cooperation as a board member of the Oklahoma Conference of Churches. Lori is a strong advocate for the LGBTQ community, recognized by Freedom Oklahoma as Ally of the Year in 2015. She is a recipient of the Courage Award, given by the University of Oklahoma’s Women and Gender Studies Program, and was recently recognized by the Oklahoma Conference of Churches with their Advocacy Award. Lori’s work for immigration justice includes a weekly vigil with the faith community, accompanying neighbors who are undocumented to USCIS and ICE appointments, and advocating for immigration policy that better reflects America’s highest ideals.

Lori was honored to lend her voice to the 2017 Women’s March on Oklahoma, offering a invocation of resistance and solidarity.  Her work to expand women’s health care and reproductive justice is channeled through volunteering for Planned Parenthood, feminist theological preaching and writing, and serving as the chairperson of Thrive, a public-private collaboration whose bold mission is to reduce the teen birth rate in Oklahoma County by one-third by 2020.

She is a frequent keynote speaker and panelist, a contributor to NonDoc media and the Oklahoma Gazette, and has appeared on Channel 9’s Flashpoint. Lori is the co-founder of JL CREATIVE, a collaboration which produces progressive Christian curriculum for children used in congregations in over 20 states, Australia, Canada, and England.

Lori belongs to the United Church of Christ’s Next Generation Leadership Initiative, Class of 2024, a 20-year focus on energizing and sustaining younger, emerging UCC local church pastors. Lori lives in Oklahoma City with her husband, Collin Walke, State Representative for House District 87 and attorney, along with their beloved mutt, Tenzin.

Community Partners Work Together to Raise Awareness about Domestic Violence

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Throughout the month, the Cleveland County Coordinated Community Response team (CCRT) will be working with the Women’s Resource Center to actively engage the community at local events, raising awareness about the perils of domestic violence on individuals, families and the community.

CCRT is a multidisciplinary team made up of advocates and forensic nurses from The Women’s Resource Center, offender management professionals from Oklahoma Court Services, detectives from Norman Police Department and Cleveland County Sheriff’s Office, prosecutors from the District Attorney’s office, Legal Aid Attorneys, and Batterer’s Intervention Professionals.

The goal of CCRT is to create a victim-centered culture in the community and to hold offenders accountable. Many in the community may not know the scope and extent of domestic violence in Cleveland County.

“One of the biggest goals of the CCRT is to bring together professionals from the community who play a role in the response to domestic violence,” Jennifer Hovland, Chair of the CCRT said. “By sitting at the same table, we are able to be proactive and not just reactive to these situations.”

To better understand the full scope of what happens in Cleveland county, CCRT has compiled several important statistics about our community.

The Women’s Resource Center provided emergency shelter to 230 adults and children who were escaping violent homes. The Satellite Office helped 344 women and men with VPO assistance, and facilitated 39 groups through the Domestic Violence Education Program. Forensic Nurses at the Women’s Resource Center provided medical care to 42 victims last fiscal year and are on track to see 50 victims this year.

“The number of victims served continues to increase,” Kristy Stewart, Executive Director of the Women’s Resource Center said. “Partnerships with members of the CCRT, and other outreach efforts have increased awareness of our services, so more people know we are here and ready to help.”

There have been 706 VPOs filed so far this year in Cleveland County.

The District Attorney’s office filed charges on 247 cases of domestic violence in 2018 so far with 64% of those cases involving felony charges associated with strangulation. In fact, 67% of the deadly weapon charges filed by that office were related to domestic violence.

“Domestic violence is a public health and safety issue that affects the entire community and deserves a community wide response,” Patrick Crowe of the Cleveland County District Attorney’s Office said. “It shouldn’t be kept hidden behind closed doors or handled by the family alone.”

Assistant District Attorney, Jacobi Whatley added, “Part of the work the CCRT does is to help the public and other community responders understand the dynamics of domestic violence such as its effects on children. It’s believed that 1 in 15 children experience domestic violence in the home directly or indirectly and they are affected by that exposure. Many people don’t understand why it takes victims so long to report and why it can be so difficult to get out of that situation.”

It has been known for many years that responding to domestic violence calls is one of the most dangerous calls that police officers answer. New research also links histories of domestic violence and mass shooters, as well as other types of criminal acts. So far in 2018 the Cleveland County Sheriff’s Office has reported more than 800 cases of disturbance calls with the majority being domestic in nature; there have been 48 VPO violations; nearly 200 harassments and threats in person and via threatening calls; forty-four assaults; and 49 assault and battery calls.

“Domestic violence is a serious crime and should have a zero-tolerance policy in all communities,” Detective Ronnie Johnson of the Sheriff’s Office said. “CCRT is one way that Cleveland County is trying to address this terrible issue, by working as a team using a multidiscipline approach to investigation and prosecution of intimate partner violence.”

So far in 2018, the Norman Police Department has responded to 720 calls for service regarding a domestic disturbance. Of those 134 arrests were made, with 38 including strangulation. Strangulation is one of the highest indicators of a potentially deadly situation for both the abuse victim and for responding officers.

“CCRT is working to increase community outreach and education on intimate partner violence as a proactive measure to increase the safety of people abused by intimate partners,” Sgt. Detective Ray Goins said. “Law enforcement in Cleveland County host and present classes for law enforcement officers and other disciplines in order to improve offender accountability in intimate partner cases.”

Amber Scroggins, APRN is the SANE Coordinator for the Women’s Resource Center. She states that the healthcare community is a vital link in addressing this issue.

“Training healthcare providers to ask their patients about violence in their lives is so important,” Scroggins said. “Patients have spoken in focus groups and studies and said that they want their healthcare providers to ask them about this, they trust us and turn to us for help. The work of the Women’s Resource Center and the CCRT is changing and saving lives. But we also need a community that has no tolerance for violent behavior and supports holding violent individuals accountable.”

Please join the CCRT in attending the many activities and awareness events in the community throughout the month of October. You can also reach out to any of the CCRT members to learn more about this issue and how you can be part of the solution.

WRC will be at the following events in October:

• Silent Witness Display – Tuesday, October 16 – 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Moore Public Library, 225 S. Howard Ave., Moore, OK
• Silent Witness Display – Wednesday, October 17 – 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Noble Public Library, 204 N. 5^th, Noble, OK 73068
• Silent Witness Display – Thursday, October 18 – 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Norman Public Library, 225 S. Webster, Norman, OK 73069
• Silent Witness Display – Friday, October 19 – 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Purcell Public Library, 919 N. 9^th, Purcell, Ok
• Domestic Violence Awareness Bubble Release – Monday, October 22 – 12 p.m. 617 W. Rock Creek Rd., Norman, OK 73072

More about the WRC:

The Women’s Resource Center provides Emergency Shelter, a Rape Crisis Center, advocacy, court advocacy, safety planning, sexual assault and domestic violence forensic exams, counseling, Domestic Violence Education Group, Sexual Trauma support group, Sexual Trauma social group, prevention education and community education.

www.wrcnormanok.org

Domestic Violence Crisis line: (405) 701-5540

Sexual Violence Crisis line: (405) 701-5660

Sarah, a young, single woman, found herself among friends one evening. They were hanging out at a private home, doing the things that young adults do. Laughing, sharing stories, enjoying a glass of wine, and each other.

One by one, friends left. And as Sarah sat on her phone texting with a friend, she was assaulted. Raped. Raped by someone she knew. Someone she trusted. Someone who broke that trust in the worst possible way.

Later that night and in the wee hours of the morning, Sarah sat in the ER waiting to be seen. Because of a standing relationship with all the local hospitals, one of our Rape Response Advocates was contacted immediately and met Sarah within minutes of her arrival.

Though it’s best to receive an exam as soon as possible, you can wait up to nine days after a sexual assault to have a forensic exam. Because she was exhausted from the traumatic events, Sarah decided to schedule an exam for that afternoon.

One of the tenants of trauma-informed care is to meet people where they are at mentally, physically, and emotionally, and provide care based on their individual needs. That’s what makes the Rape Crisis Center so unique-the WRC was able to provide for Sarah’s needs outside of just a forensic exam.

Sarah chose to obtain a Victim Protective Order and when she arrived in court an advocate was there to stand by her side so she didn’t have to stand right next to her perpetrator. This was the first time she had seen him since the assault and that can be terrifying. Once the judge granted her the VPO, the advocate helped create a safety plan with Sarah. A VPO can be an important piece of a criminal case, but they can prompt an act of violence toward the victim.

After the local District Attorney decided to prosecute, Sarah’s advocate sat by her side through all the testimonies so she wouldn’t be alone in the large, formal courtroom. The WRC SANE provided expert testimony which included educating the judge and defense attorney throughout.

Following a two-years-long journey, Sarah’s rapist was convicted of first-degree rape where he faces 20 years to life in prison.

Because of one evening, and the choice of one person, Sarah’s life was forever changed. Thanks to the WRC Rape Crisis Center, her life was changed in other ways too. The Rape Crisis Center can’t take away what happened but if you ever need us, we can ensure you won’t be alone just like for Sarah. We can’t take away the pain but we can help you work through it with a specialized counselor. The WRC can’t erase the injustice of what happened, but we can de-mystify the justice system so you know what to expect.

Sarah’s story is not uncommon. For more than 40 years, the Women’s Resource Center has provided safe shelter for victims of domestic abuse; sexual assault services including forensic exams, advocacy, and education; comprehensive counseling services; support groups; and prevention education throughout Cleveland County and the northern portion of McClain County.

Oklahoma ranks higher than the national average of women affected by sexual violence.

51% of female rape victims reported being raped by an intimate partner.

In 8 out of every 10 cases of rape, the victim knew the perpetrator.

The Women’s Resource Center helps victims of sexual assault, domestic violence, and stalking every day. With YOUR HELP the Women’s Resource Center can continue impacting our community.

Women’s Resource Center Gala

Scheduled for Dec. 9

The Women’s Resource Center Gala, the Norman-based organization’s annual event to raise awareness about the effects of domestic and sexual violence on individuals, families and the community, is scheduled for Saturday, Dec. 9, at the Sam Noble Museum of Natural History, 2401 Chautauqua Ave.

Keynote speaker is author/blogger/businesswoman Leslie Morgan Steiner, a frequent speaker about family violence. Her talk at the gala will take us on the roller coaster experience of falling in love with, marrying, and ultimately leaving, an abusive man in her 20s. She will include personal tips on how to prevent abusive relationships and help loved ones who are being physically or emotionally abused.

Steiner is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Crazy Love. Her TED Talk about surviving domestic violence, “From the Ivy League to a Gun at My Head,” has been viewed by over 3 million people. She is a regular national television and radio guest, appearing on National Public Radio, NBC’s Today Show, The Diane Rehm Show, MSNBC, Fox News, and other programs.

A graduate of Harvard College, Steiner’s first job was as an editor at Seventeen Magazine. She financed her MBA in marketing from Wharton by writing for Seventeen, Mademoiselle, New England Monthly and Money Magazine.

Gala tickets are $75, individual; $1,000, sponsored tables, and may be purchased online at wrcnormanok.org/wrc-gala. For more information on sponsorship opportunities, call Kyla McMoran at 364.9424.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Throughout the month, the Women’s Resource Center will be actively engaging the community at local events, raising awareness about the perils of domestic violence on individuals, families and the community.

According the State of Oklahoma Fatality Review Board, 96-percent of domestic violence homicide victims never spoke to a trained domestic violence advocate.

The Women’s Resource Center provides emergency shelter, advocacy, court advocacy, safety planning, forensic exams, Domestic Violence Education Group, counseling, prevention education and community education.

“The WRC has been providing care and services to victims of domestic and sexual violence since 1975,” Dr. Lisa Frey, board chair said. “While the number of services we provided in the last year are up, there are a still a lot of people in the community that don’t know about the WRC. We want to change that.”

Domestic violence affects one in four women in her lifetime – that’s more women than breast cancer, ovarian cancer and lung cancer combined. Most people think only of physical abuse when they consider domestic violence, yet financial abuse happens in 99% of all domestic violence cases.

To combat financial abuse, the WRC will be participating in the AllState Purple Purse Challenge. Allstate helps provide financial empowerment for victims and survivors of domestic violence. Every year, Allstate helps raise awareness through weekly fundraising challenges. Local shelters compete for unrestricted grant money awarded at the end of the month.

The 2017 Purple Purse was designed by Serena Williams. Each of the chosen shelters are given one purse to auction off as part of their fundraising efforts. The WRC’s purple purse will be auctioned off on Friday, October 6 at the “Art for the Senses” event.

“Art for the Senses: an event for the Women’s Resource Center,” is a come and go, public event to raise awareness and funds benefitting the WRC. HEAR live music; SEE beautiful artworks; SMELL aromatic floral arrangements; TASTE scrumptious hors devours; and FEEL good about supporting a worthy cause.

The event is scheduled for Friday, October 6, 6-9 p.m., at south Norman residence. RSVP to kyla@wrcweb.net. There is no cost for the event. RSVPs are for planning purposes only.

WRC will be at the following events in October:

• Community Team Benefit Car Show – Saturday, September 30 – 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., Hemispheres, 640 SW 19^th, Moore, OK 73160
• Groovefest – Sunday, October 1 – 11 a.m. to 6 p.m., Andrews Park, 201 W. Daws, Norman, OK 73069
• A Walk in Her Shoes: Domestic Violence Education Role Play – Thursday, October 5 – 9 a.m. to noon, Norman Chamber of Commerce, 115 E. Gray St., Norman, OK 73069
• Art for the Senses – Friday, October 6 – 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., at a south Norman home. RSVP to kyla@wrcweb.net for details.
• Hair of the Dog Oktoberfest – Friday, October 13 – 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., STASH, 412 E. Main St. Purchase tickets at http://stashok.com/
• Silent Witness Display – Wednesday, October 18 – 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Noble Public Library, 204 N. 5^th, Noble, OK 73068
• Silent Witness Display – Thursday, October 19 – 9 a.m. to 3 p.m., Moore Public Library, 225 S. Howard Ave., Moore, OK 73160
• OAWL Auction – Thursday, October 19 – 6 p.m. – Location TBD
• Silent Witness Display – Friday, October 20 – 12 p.m. to 6 p.m., Norman Public Library, 225 S. Webster, Norman, OK 73069
• Noble Fall Festival – Saturday, October 21 – 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. – 114 N. Main St., Noble, OK 73068
• Open Mic Night – Saturday, October 21 – 6 p.m. to 9 p.m., Opolis, 113 N. Crawford Ave., Norman, OK 73069
• Domestic Violence Awareness Bubble Release – Monday, October 23 – 11 a.m., 617 W. Rock Creek Rd., Norman, OK 73072

The Women’s Resource Center is beginning a new fiscal year under new board leadership.

Dr. Lisa Frey, Associate Professor for the Counseling Psychology Program at the University of Oklahoma, will take the helm as the board President. Mari Newcomer, Nurse Manager for the Women’s and Children’s Unit at Norman Regional Hospital, will serve as Vice President/President Elect. Raymond Goins, immediate Past President and Norman Police Department Detective Sergeant will serve as Treasurer. Anna Parker, retired RN, will serve as Secretary.

The board recently began a month’s long development process, working with Kira Switzer of Switzer Consulting. They will focus on three core areas of need: Board Development, Expanding Programming, and Fundraising. Three subcommittees were formed and meet monthly with Switzer to keep the focus meaningful and responsive to the changing needs and talent of the board members.

Dr. Frey is a licensed psychologist, a consultant, and an Associate Professor in the Counseling Psychology Program at the University of Oklahoma (OU). She is also a core faculty member in African and African American Studies, a core affiliate faculty member in Women’s and Gender Studies, and an affiliate faculty member in the Center for Social Justice.  Dr. Frey is the Director of the OU Counseling Psychology Clinic. She has been on the WRC board for seven years and has served in various board leadership roles.

Dr. Frey’s teaching, research, and clinical work have been shaped by her commitment to and passion for community engagement and social justice. Specifically, her interests are related to issues of violence, especially sexual abuse and assault; multiculturalism and intersectionality; relational cultural theory; at-risk youth; and institutional betrayal. She operated a full-time clinical and consulting practice for many years with a focus on the treatment of abuse victims/survivors and adolescents who sexually abuse. She continues to do consulting and clinical work on a part-time basis, primarily working with clients who have experienced trauma and youth dealing with identity issues.

Newcomer, has been a registered nurse since 1981. She has been at Norman Regional Health System since 1989 as the Nurse Manager. Before moving to NRHS, Newcomer was employed at Gilbert Medical Center. Newcomer serves on the Fetal and Infant Mortality Advisory Board (OK and Cleveland County); Cleveland County Action Team whose mission is to prevent infant death. She has been a member of the WRC board for two years.

SGT Goins has been an officer of the Norman Police Department since March 1997. Prior to coming to Norman Police Department, SGT Goins was a patrolman with the Roswell, New Mexico Police Department and a Military Policeman with the U.S. Army. SGT Goins coordinates the domestic violence academy and in-service training for Norman Police Department and has been certified by the Federal Law Enforcement Training Center (FLETC) as a domestic violence instructor. He is also a member of the Cleveland County Domestic Violence Task Force, and Cleveland County Domestic Violence Coordinated Community Response Team. SGT Goins has been a member of the Board of Directors for the Women’s Resource Center since 2009 and has served as Board Secretary, President Elect and President.

Parker, is a retired RN. She worked for Norman Regional Health System for 30 years and for Dr.’s David Porter and Carol Anderson. She has been a member of the WRC board for one year and will serve as board secretary.

More info about the Women’s Resource Center:

“We believe that women have the right to live in safety, to be treated with dignity, to make choices and to hope.” Our long-term goal is to reduce domestic violence (DV), sexual violence (SV), and stalking in our community by providing education, prevention, and emergency services.

Since 1975, the Women’s Resource Center (WRC) has helped women live better lives. Over the years we have redefined our goals to meet the changing needs of the community. In response to those needs the WRC Domestic Violence Shelter opened in 1980; the Rape Crisis Center opened in 2004; the Satellite/Public Office opened in 2014; the Norman Investigations Center office opened in 2016; and in 2017 we added a full-time prevention/education advocate.

Domestic violence isn’t a black-and-white term. There are different types of domestic violence, each presented in a different way and each carrying their own effect on the victim. Knowing the difference can not only help you to realize them, but to understand the true gravity of what millions of women have endured, and continue to endure every day.

Physical

• Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury

Conducting uncomfortable or unwanted movements towards the victim can be a common act that leads to further intentions of physical attempts. Sometimes even taking away objects aiding in keeping health stability, such as medication or wheelchairs.

Sexual

• Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent

Sexual assault, another more widely recognized form of domestic violence, includes rape, attacks on sexual parts of the body, forced prostitution, and more. Any kind of sexual contact that occurs without the victim’s consent is considered sexual assault. Attempting to undermine the victim’ sexuality can occur when treating the victim in a sexually derogatory manner, withholding sex, and criticizing sexual performance and desirability.

Psychological

• Instilling or attempting to instill fear

Intimidation, threatening physical harm to victim or to oneself, threatening to harm or kidnap children, blackmail, destruction of pets or property, mind games, and stalking all fall under psychological abuse. This is looked at when limiting anothers action and contact, and being hostile towards the victim.

Emotional

• Undermining or attempting to undermine victim sense of worth

constant criticism, belittling victim’s abilities and competency, name-calling, insults, put-downs, silent treatment, manipulating victim’s feelings and emotions to induce guilt, subverting a partner’s relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises.